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Superheroes Protest Obama Scandals

June 19, 2013

Gotham City: Here at the town hall, Earth’s mightiest heroes are staging a protest directed against the scandals of the current administration. The protest began earlier this day, and is spearheaded by a combination of two powerful organizations, the Avengers Initiative and the Justice League of America. Both are concerned with what they see as the administration’s abuse of power, especially PRISM, the data collection program used by the National Security Agency to sift through hundreds upon millions of emails sent by ordinary citizens.

“No one man should have all that power,” said Batman at today’s press conference, “Unless, of course, it’s me.” Controversial crime-fighting billionaire Tony Stark was also highly critical of the program. “It’s terrible that the government came up with this sort of program to use on American citizens. Especially when I could have written a program that was ten times better.”

The superheroes present were also highly critical of other scandals involving the Obama administration. Professor Charles Xavier, leader of the Xavier Institute for higher education, said that the IRS had targeted his institution for special auditing. Superman gave an impassioned speech condemning the Department of Justice’s wiretapping of 20 AP journalists without issuing a warrant–“America needs to be a safe place for all journalists, especially Lois Lane.” Spider-Man summed up the general attitude of the protest when he said, “This government has not yet learned the lesson that, with great power comes great responsibility.”

Despite these attacks, others within the superhero community have been more supportive of the Obama administration. “I am completely behind the current administration,” said Max Eisenhart, speaking to reporters outside town hall. Mr. Eisenhart, otherwise known as Magneto, is Administrative Director of the Genosha Collective, and the president of BEM, said that programs like PRISM are the wave of the future. “We have already implemented one of these on Genosha, and it has worked very well. We are already seeing the hope and change there that we hope can eventually be brought to the mainland.”

However, the majority of the superhero community is up in arms over the scandals, and is ready to take action. Daredevil has threatened to sue the NSA, and Captain America has been considering changing his name to “Captain Switzerland.” At the press conference, the Incredible Hulk announced his concise plan for rectifying the current injustices within the American system.

“Hulk Smash.”

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